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What would you do? Love to hear your opinions

My mother in-law has Alzheimer's and we have to make a choice

!. we can put her into permanent care

2 She can come and live with us in the granny flat or in our spare room

I'm really torn here. I don't want her to go somewhere she will hate and feel deserted and unloved. Yet if she comes and lives with us it scares me that she will totally consume my life. It is totally draining having to explain something over and over and over again.

What would you do?

Any advise here would really be appreciated

June

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hayley Solich on October 10, 2008 at 2:04am: I'd move to another State, then you are absolved of responsibility and the rest of the family have to put their hands up. Just kidding!!! But it's always an option. :))))

Hard call, June. Do you self-sacrifice because you feel sorry for her or do you live your life because you only get one to live? And if it were you, what would you want others to do, cause if you go on the "Do unto others" motto, I guess that has an answer all of it's own???; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by kikarose on October 10, 2008 at 3:00am: I think it really depends with how much the disease has progressed. If you MIL has a few years where she can still function without full time care it might be an enriching experience for your family. But if you do decide to bring her to live with you then I'd highly recommend a part time care giver, or even just a companion who can come in a couple hours here or there to give you some relief.
If her disease is progressing pretty fast then it might be less traumatic for everyone to put her in the nursing home right now. To have to move her again in just a few months seems like it would be hard on everyone.

Good luck with your decision!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bill on October 10, 2008 at 3:34am: I worked in Long Term Care for 23 years as a Physical Therapist. Some of the best patients were those with memory deficits. They basically wake up in a new world everyday. So to some extent they are to be admired. That doesn't take away the thoughts and feelings you have. I agree with the previous post. If you do decide to care for her yourself, you will need to have some help or you will soon be a prisoner of your mother-in-law until she gets to the point that you can not take care of her anymore.
Without the details of her condition i don't know much else to add.

If her memory is pretty well gone, i would have no problem putting her in a NH, or a special Alzheimers unit if one is available.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Hayley Solich on October 10, 2008 at 4:07am: I think you have some great contributions from people who sound like they know their stuff there, June. Thanks for contributing Kikarose and Bill.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Garnet Nagy on October 10, 2008 at 10:55am: Hi June,

I really have to agree with everything thats been said so far(except maybe for Hayleys suggestion to move! :)

I suppose you could always try it at home first and see how it goes?

Either way, all I can really say is I wish you the best with your decision and I hope you find some great people to help you care for her...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by June on October 10, 2008 at 7:57pm: Thank for your opinions. I have always found it a little clearer if there is no emotion involved, but in this case there is. So to all of you that replied thank you so much. for helping clarify a hard situation

Thanks Heaps
June; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Teddy Towncrier on October 10, 2008 at 11:21pm: That's certainly a tough call, June. My heart and prayers are with you.

Is there an on-line support forum where others have sought solutions to this challenge.

I'll be glad to set up an Online Chapel where those who wish , can join together in prayer for your strength and guidance in finding the answer..

The chapel would be available by phone and 'puter. ... Suggested time 10:00PM US Eastern Time Sunday.

"Where two or more are gathered ...... "

Just say the word and I'll be glad to twitter and blog about this thread.

Blessings.

Teddy Towncrier CPP Towncrier-Media.com Supercharging Your Visions.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by June on October 10, 2008 at 11:59pm: Thanks Teddy, but am not a technical person, but I do appreciate your prayers.

It would be great if you could pray for my 10 yr old nephew as he has Leukemia. He also has an infection in his lungs that his body is unable to fight due to the chemo. He has been moved to ICU today and we are just all believing that he will be ok.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers
June; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Hayley Solich on October 11, 2008 at 12:13am: Hey June
That's not great news. No wonder you are sidelined. Hope all is okay.
Love
Hayley; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Barbara Siragusa on October 11, 2008 at 11:57pm: Hi June. I really feel for you. I have a similar situation. I moved from Scotland to the US at the young age of 21, and now my Dad has passed away 8 years ago, and my Mum is not doing well, but I have also made a life here in the US with 4 children. I fly back and forward as often as I can, but this year she has ended up in the hospital due to falling, and cataracts. I want to bring her back to Florida, to see how she does here, as I work from home. Bottom line, it is my Mum and I am so sad for her to be so far away without me to look after her, after all these years of her being such a great Mum to me.

Good luck with your decision. It is very hard.....; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Barbara Siragusa on October 11, 2008 at 11:58pm: June, saying a prayer for your nephew.....; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Brad Pollina on October 21, 2008 at 6:42am: My mother-in-law has dimensia as well and my father-in-law kept her home as much as possible. But there comes a point when you just can't take care of her anymore and need professional round the clock help. I'd say go with the nursing home, and if you decide to keep her at your place, definitely get home care.; ▶ Reply to This